Valentine's Day

Ugh. It's Valentine's Day. The worst holiday ever created by Hallmark as a way to make more money. It seems like it serves two purposes: to show off to others if you have a significant other, and to make single people feel like crap. I, for 16 years, have been on the single side of V-Day, and therefore I hate it with a burning passion. I'm sure if I wasn't single I would probably enjoy it. But that's not the case. So I hate it. There's not much else to say. Well, I guess the candy that I get every year from my parents who feel sorry for me makes up for it. Yep, that's the only thing I look forward to in February. The free candy. Well, I guess it's time to go watch TV and eat some of that free candy. Maybe next year...

Dave Barry's Spectacular Satire

Dave Barry: Your Child Deserves A Halloween Costume By Calvin Klein: http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/10/30/2469698/your-child-deserves-a-halloween.html

Dave Barry is definitely one of my favorite authors. Not only is he hilarious, but he also uses his humor to get his point across. In this article from 2000, he satirizes the Halloween experience, especially the process of selecting a costume. In the beginning, he sarcastically compares picking an awesome costume for your kid with how good of a parent you are. He then uses extreme exaggeration to show how other parents make their kids' costumes, and uses parody, showing the script for a morning news show with a crazy parent talking about their kid's costume. Next, he describes how boring Halloween costumes were when he was a kid, and contrasts that with how crazy they are now. He follows that up by sarcastically listing all of the weird choices for costumes that kids have if they buy one from a store. Lastly, he lists some exaggerated safety tips for the actual trick-or-treating, like carrying a fire extinguisher, not letting your kids go out at night, and checking to see if their candy is safe to eat by eating it. Barry is very sarcastic throughout the article, and he easily gets his point across that Halloween is a crazy holiday.

Super Bowl - Splendid or Substandard?

Well, its that time again. Time for the Super Bowl: the biggest sporting event in the world (or as the rest of Earth calls it, the United States of America). It's not known merely for the game, but also for the wild halftime shows and the knee-slapping ads. Let's start with the game this year. The Patriots and the Giants. Both are basically teams who you either absolutely adore, or who you want to see stabbed to death by a crazy mob of rabid humans. In my case, the latter would be reserved for the Giants. I HATE HATE HATE the Giants with all of my heart, because they are the rivals of my hometown heroes, the great Dallas Cowboys, not only America's but also God's team (sorry, I have to put that in whenever I talk about them). I wouldn't mind if the Giants won, though, seeing as it would make Jeffrey really mad :P And now we get to the halftime show. This year, it's Madonna who's up on the stage to entertain every living being on the continent. It slightly annoys me how the halftime show is always old-timers; but I realize that the largest demographic of Super Bowl watchers is old men, so Madonna isn't really a surprise pick I guess. And now, the ads. There's not really anything else to say besides, "Wow". Year after year, companies continue to amaze us all with the funniest commercials we have ever seen. I don't predict a change this year. What I do predict is a Giants 13-point victory. Whether you're watching the game because you actually care, you want to see Madonna dancing, or you want to laugh your butt off, have fun, and save me some chips.

PS Don't forget to watch the pregame, or you'll miss Kelly Clarkson keeping the tradition of messing up the national anthem alive!